i'll blog about the details of the bbq later when i get home mebbe tml or something cos there's juz so much to type.

much as i know i've lost some friends but i juz can't help but feel a pang of pain and a sense of being left out when i saw in a frenz blog that they went out to watch a movie. used to be five of urs doing such things. now, my name is no longer in the list. if i were to say that it's fine with me then i'm lying big time cos i do still want to get back with them in some way or another. just not sure how. talkin on the phone and chatting up is juz not a habit of mine and if i do, of which i did chat up with a couple of them lately, i somehow dun get back in anymore. can't help but feeling emotional and can't help but having a few tears fallin down my cheek.

once again i think, was it my fault? mebbe it is.. but was it that bad? i don't know...

i could tell myself that perhaps one of them do know that i'm on bbq and wun be back till weds so no pt askin me but then again, i wouild be damn optimisstic to think like that. *sigh*

my social circle is shrinking very badly and i am juz not the kind of person who would call someone up n chat for a few hours straight. either i'm damn close with you, or i'm insane. cos i'll juz blank out if i call up any random fella to chat. if were able to juz chat up with ppl, perhaps i would hav more frenz and perhaps i would gotten back wat i've lost but it's juz kinda tough for me and end up getting worse results in havin the other party uninterested in talkin to me. hearing cold or hostile voices on the other side of a phone frm wad was a fren before is torturing.